Rocks Off by alyse [ - ]
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Category: Primeval > General
Characters: Abby Maitland, Connor Temple, Rex
Rating: PG-13
Genres: Friendship, Humour
Warnings: None

Summary: Rex loves his rock. Oh yes he does.

Story Notes:
Now for this one, I am definitely blaming Claire. For everything but the Robbie Williams lyrics. I was such a nice girl before I met... Okay, no one is going to believe that, are they?

Thanks to aithine who was unfortunate enough to be around and have this inflicted on her for betaing purposes.

Written for mmom. In other words, here be wanking. And lizards.

Get your rocks off, get your rocks off, honey.
-- Robbie Williams, Rocks Off

It's six p.m. and Abby's starving. She beats Connor up the stairs by dint of a glare as she stalks past him and Connor's smart enough to have learnt by now that if he doesn't give way to her he'll end up with a sharp elbow in the ribs for his trouble.

Who says boys can't be trained?

Her stomach growls and she heads towards the kitchen, flinging her jacket in the direction of the sofa. She'll pick it up later before it has a chance to dawn on Connor that she's just done what she's always nagging him about: left her clothes lying around. She's threatened more than once to take his stuff down to the charity shop, but she suspects they wouldn't want it, given that that's probably where it came from in the first place.

She's in such a rush to fill the hole in her belly that she almost trips over the empty saucer that's lying in her path. Damn it. They've been out all day - from four a.m. in fact - and Rex is probably just as hungry as she is. She can just picture it; poor little Rex, pushing his dish around with his snout, desperately questing for one more taste of the good stuff. He's done it before when he's feeling neglected and it's funny to watch, especially as the expression on Rex's face at those times is just like Connor's when she eats the last slice of pizza; all woe is me and mournful.

Pizza. Mmmm.

Her stomach growls again, reminding her of its empty state, and she casts a quick, guilty glance at Rex's terrarium where he's obviously sulking, back turned firmly towards her.

There's some cold pizza in the fridge and given the fact that Connor's stepped on her heels no less than three times today, she reckons he owes her that much.

"Connor, feed Rex for me, will you?"

He stops dead, for once before he treads on her, and his face falls. "I was just…" he begins gesturing towards the kitchen - and the fridge - before his voice trails off when he realises she's not going to give way.

He caves, as she knew he would, and heads towards the fruit bowl in the corner, the one with the plastic cover over it that Rex hasn't quite figured out yet how to move. It's only a matter of time. He's a smart little thing. Connor could learn a thing or two.

She spares Connor a brief, sweet smile of victory before she heads back towards the kitchen and the last slice of pepperoni. Connor's a big boy. He'll cope. Besides, it's really his fault she missed lunch anyway, what with the way he dragged her around all day to track magnetic readings. She's sure that given enough motivation he'll be able to forage something up. And when he does, she'll just have to make sure that he cooks enough for her, too.

Yeah. Who says boys can't be trained?


She has a mouth full of pizza when Connor's worried voice filters through to the kitchen. It's the 'confused' worried rather than the 'oh my god something's about to eat me' worried so she pauses long enough to snag a can of pop before she heads back through to the living room. When she gets there, Connor's standing by the side of the terrarium with an apple in one hand and the apple peeler in the other.

Typical Connor. He spoils Rex rotten. Abby's happy just slicing the apples up and sticking them straight into Rex's dish, but Connor has this weird thing about seeing how much of the peel he'll get off in one, long coil without it breaking.

He doesn't normally get very far with it because Rex is quite happy to snap at it, especially when it's just dangling there, tempting him. It's become a game of sorts between the two of them and, honestly, some days she wonders if she messed up and didn't so much acquire a flatmate as a puppy, albeit it one who's house-broken. Apart from the dirty boxers on the bathroom floor thing. She's still working on that one. She wonders if a rolled up newspaper will work.

Still, the apple peel game keeps them out of Abby's hair for a while, although since Rex delights in swallowing down the apple skin, long tongue pulling it into his mouth in a way that never fails to make her and Connor laugh, it does rather defeat the point of peeling the apple in the first place.

Rex doesn't seem to be interested it the peel this time and that… that's rather worrying. She picks up the pace, joining Connor in leaning over the terrarium to peer into its heated depths.

"Is Rex… Is he supposed to be doing that?" Connor gestures rather abortively towards Rex with the apple peeler and turns towards her, his expression half horrified. "Is that… normal?"

She bites down on the temptation to point out that neither of them are exactly au fait with what constitutes 'normal' for a species that's been extinct for around 250 million years, and instead turns a professional eye to the state of her lizard.

Rex's lack of interest in his apple aside, there doesn't seem to be anything amiss. He's quite content, basking in the bright light of the heat lamp, stretched out on his favourite rock with his eyes half closed in pleasure. Pretty much par for the course with Rex. He's almost as lazy as Connor some days and it's even odds as to which one will sleep in latest on a Sunday.


Except Rex isn't so much basking as… moving. Slowly. Backwards and forwards against his rock. Sort of… rubbing.

"Is he doing what I think he's doing?"

Connor's leans in further over the side of the glass box next to her, his expression now edging from horrified to fascinated and Abby swallows her mouth full of pizza abruptly, her face starting to burn.

"He is, isn't he?"

"Shut up, Connor."

"He is."

"Shut. Up. Connor."

Abby's not a prude. She works in a zoo, for god's sake. She's even worked in the monkey house and it's not always poo they fling. And she's had dogs, including that stupid little Pomeranian that her mother loved and that, in return, loved anything that had a leg. Ungrateful little shit.

Still, there's something slightly disturbing about watching a prehistoric flying lizard getting up close and personal with his favourite rock.

"Rex. You little devil." Connor's tone's delighted now, and she rolls her eyes, already mentally cataloguing Rex's behaviour and trying to fit it into what she knows about other, non-prehistoric lizard species. "We need to get you a girlfriend, mate."

She gives into temptation and elbows him in the ribs, ignoring his little squawk and smiling sweetly again when he pouts and rubs his side.

"You first, Connor."

She's not sure which is the most rewarding - Connor's outraged little gasp or the fact that Rex's chirrup as she heads back towards the kitchen almost sounds like he's agreeing with her.

At least one of her boys is trained. She'll just have to keep working on the other one.

The End